I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
