The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
