You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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