There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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