It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
