People in love make me want to vomit
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
