I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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