I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
