That's intense
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
