I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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