if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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