blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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