Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
