I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
