My first STD was from a foam party
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
