I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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