You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
