your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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