I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
