And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he thought i was a dude.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
