So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
