I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
