McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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