I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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