the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
