You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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