Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
