I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
