TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
