Cold hands, warm shart.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
