Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Floor bacon is actually really good
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
