Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
