everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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