A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
