it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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