That's intense
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
