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I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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