I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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