and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
