I am puke
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
