all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
