yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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