Christians are straight up FREAKS
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just high enough for therapy.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize