mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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