i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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