she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
