tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
