I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
