Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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