plz talk dirty to me
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
