I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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