mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
