do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
All I want is dick and wine.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
