The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Every concussion has its silver lining
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
