Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
