Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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