watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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