You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
So much Jack, so little girl.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
