I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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