Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
