I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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