What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
