you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just sucked dick on a ferry
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
