normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
