i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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