So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
