Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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