Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
no, he came in my armpit
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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