woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
