Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
