Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
