We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
