my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize