I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Its about making memories worth repressing
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
