I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
