You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
