Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
