i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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