i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize