Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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