dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
