oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
