Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize