I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
