Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
