did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
