Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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