worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
