fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
